Monday, January 22, 2018


            “The Dance of the Couple”
Presenter: Joan J. Lachkar, Ph.D.
Co-Presenter: Richard Seigle, M.D.
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Intimacy, Romantic and Sexuality
The “Dance of the Couple”
Saturday, February 17 , 2018, 8:30 AM-12:30 PM
Joan Jutta Lachkar, Ph.D.

Joan Jutta Lachkar, Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family therapist in private practice in Sherman Oaks, California, an affiliate member for the New Center for Psychoanalysis, is the author of The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple:  Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment, The Many Faces of Abuse: Treating the Emotional Abuse of High-Functioning Women, The V-Spot, How to Talk to a NarcissistHow to Talk to a Borderline, and the Disappearing Male, and New Approach to Marital Therapy. Courts Beware of the Borderline. This workshop is based on Dr. Lachkar's twenty-five years of clinical experience including groundbreaking articles and books on couple’s therapy and many theoretical perspectives including classical psychoanalysis, self-psychology, ego psychology, objective relations, attachment theory, and contemporary theorists.
Welcome to Intimacy, Romantic Love and Sexuality!

This workshop draws from many theoretical perspectives including classical psychoanalysis, self-psychology, ego psychology, object relations, attachment theory, and more contemporary theorists, this workshop introduces two languages: The "Language of Empathology" and the "Language of Dialectics," both abstracted from the analytic literature to make communication more “user friendly.” I also introduce my new innovative concept of the "V-spot" vulnerability which lies at the very core of the human spirit let alone the capacity to love.  This presentation is suitable for all mental health professionals ranging from the least experienced to the most seasoned and has applicability to all kinds of couples including cross-cultural. Hope you are all of age to deal with our X rated material later in the workshop. We will also have an opportunity for cases and role play.

Course Objectives
·        To recognize and distinguish normal Intimacy and romantic love from pathological love
·      To communicate using the special language of empathology and dialectics (abstracted from works of Kohut and Bion).
·      To integrate the various theoretical approaches into romantic relations
·        To help understand how primitive defences and personality disorders can destroy the capacity to maintain intimacy and romantic love
·        To help understand the couples’ mutual projections, how each one tens to identify or over-identity with the negative projections of the other.
Today people are obsessed talking about their relationships. In fact, they are so busy talking about them; they hardly have the time to have them. The capacity to fall in love is a basic human experience, and when people fall in love it is felt to be magical and we all look for the mysterious power of love. Relationships are not simple for they are comprised of many complex and interrelated aspects of idealization, entitlement, love, shame, guilt, envy, jealousy, hatred, aggression, rivalry, control, domination, and many unresolved oedipal issues, as well as many early unresolved infantile conflicts.  When we talk about marital conflict we are talking about a kind of love that goes in the wrong direction, primitive idealization that invades and infects the capacity to maintain a healthy loving relationship.
In this workshop, we will refer to traditional roles between a man and a woman with the awareness and appreciation that there are many same sex relationships with varying roles of masculine and feminine personas. Male gender types commonly encompass roles such as male domination, control, power, thinking with less feelings, more doing and sex.  The feminine side encompasses such roles as compassion, feelings, relatedness, and expectations for intimacy and romance. These roles are not clear and concise for they tend to be in each of us on a continuum.

In same sex relationships there is more emphasis on equality between the sexes even though one partner may have more masculine traits and the other more feminine attributes.  We must listen to our patients and be open to the blurring of traditional masculine and feminine roles if we are to stay relevant. For example, sexuality or romance means different things to different people. Traditionally, when a man says he wants more romance, he may be referring to sex or his sexuality.  When a woman asks for more romance, she may want more thoughtfulness, attention, and flowers.  If men come home to a candlelight dinner, they start to think about moving to the bedroom.

Friday, January 12, 2018

Intimacy, Romantic Love and Sexuality Workshop Feb. 17, 2018 West LA

Intimacy, Romantic Love and Sexuality
"The Dance of the Couple"

Four books by Joan Lachkar Ph.D.
Joan Jutta Lachkar, Ph.D.

A Half Day Workshop
New Center for Psychoanalysis (NCP
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Continuing Education for Mental Health Professionals

What is this thing called love? Did Freud, Keats, Shelley now?. This workshop explores healthy romantic love, intimacy and how with people with personality disorders (narcissist, borderline) can destroy the capacity to maintain an intimate relationship. It offers specific approaches and techniques to explain the psychodynamics couples who start out with a loving relationships but lurking in the shadows are unconscious elements that seek to destroy. It also explores how and why couples stay in painful, conflictual, destructive, never ending, relationships (traumatic bonding) or what I describe in my previous books as “the dance” (how one partner projects a negative feeling onto the other and how the other then identifies or over-identifies with it). As many of you know this work is based on my first book, The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple, how a narcissist hooks up with a borderline and how each one stirs up in the other some unresolved developmental part of the self. Much has been written about narcissism, addressing the theoretical aspects, the psychodynamics, defence mechanisms, but few have addressed how to “talk” to a narcissist. Subsequently, I wrote “How to Talk to a Borderline,” which I will reference to in this work shop. Based on many years of research, numerous articles and books treating people with narcissistic and borderline personality disorder I expanded my work to describe eight different kinds of narcissists and eight different kinds of borderlines. Even though this workshop focuses mainly on narcissism, the narcissistic does not live in a vacuum. The grandiose self seeps over into many other personality disorders.